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8 things guaranteed to win my heart :-) - There's something about Mary...

Mar. 7th, 2011 01:22 pm 8 things guaranteed to win my heart :-)

8 things guaranteed to win my heart

I saw this meme on a friend's journal, and thought it sounded like a fun thing to think about, so I would have a go...

I am sure there may be other things but, I present to you, for your amusement, eight things guaranteed to win my heart:

1.  Be HONEST and open with me - I fall for people who share their thoughts with me, who will let me into their head. Not necessarily immediately - I often wear my heart on my sleeve, but it also takes me a while to really trust someone and let them in totally, so I am ok with it if you are like that too. But I do need honesty right from the start. If I sense someone is lying or keeping something important from me, I back away. However, a person who takes the risk of sharing their feelings and thoughts with me is instantly closer to my heart (so long as they aren't just after free therapy sessions).

2.  Be YOU - Not a person you imagine I want you to be - I lose all respect for someone who tries (however well-intentioned they are) to be someone else to please me or be attractive to me! Know your own mind and be authentically YOU; and then we can enjoy finding out if we are a good match or not. Take that risk, and let me see the person you really are, all of you - what you like/dislike, your strengths/weaknesses, where you live, what you do, etc. Compromise is good between two people, but there's no point pretending to be something you are not, or down the line we'll both end up confused and hurt.

3.   Be INTELLIGENT - I am tempted to list just this and change the title of this entry to "one thing guaranteed....", because I think it is vital! - I love a person who makes me think, and who I can bounce ideas off; who can keep up with my random thoughts and take an interest in subjects that interest me; and someone who has plenty of thoughts and ideas of their own to share too.  I love a good debate with someone - an intellectual sparring match.  I am no genius but I am not stupid either and I like being with similarly intelligent people, preferably someone slightly more intelligent than me, but at least on the same level so I get challenged intellectually by you.

4.   Be able to TALK - because I can talk for England! I fall for people that can talk intelligently with me about anything and everything, perhaps over a few cups of tea, or glasses of wine (preferably Sancerre; or Champagne if we have a winning lottery ticket)... If you and I can chat without noticing the passing of time, into the small hours of the morning, then, well, I am probably already besotted with you in one way or another!

5.   Love me despite/for my faults - I am not perfect, no-one is. Once we know each other a bit, if you seem to think I am totally perfect then I will probably assume you are attracted to your fictional image of me, rather than knowing and liking the real me (NB - providing me with a list of my faults as evidence you have noticed them will not endear you to me). If you challenge me gently from time to time, or perhaps tease me a little, then I will know you acknowledge and embrace my imperfections, and are not being naively blind to them.  This is important - I am fortunate in that many people seem to hold me in high regard, and this is truly lovely - I am an imperfect being though, as are we all - I need you to recognise that.

6.  Be HAPPY, and make me laugh - If you can make me laugh, and are also able to laugh at yourself, then that is very attractive to me. If you are constantly miserable, or are the sort to have a grump or shout at yourself when you make a mistake, then we are not a good match. Life is too short to be taken too seriously! I don't expect you to have a permanent smile, and if we are close I will support you loyally through the bad times as well as the good - but a generally positive/optimistic outlook, and the desire/ability to smile and laugh with me frequently, are essential to win my heart.

7.   Be a GENTLEMAN / LADY - Be attentive; consider my feelings; give me little gifts (thoughtful ones you think I will like).   I am not saying you have to wine and dine me at The Midland hotel or buy me jewellery and fine wines (thought I won't be offended if you happen to be loaded and do those things).   But I mean doing things like: dropping me an email or text, so I know I am in your thoughts; buy my a packet of love hearts, or a bunch of flowers; notice the things I like and don't like, and act accordingly; email me a link to something that might interest me; open doors for me (I believe in equality and manners, not rampant feminism!). Treat me in ways that demonstrates you hold me in high regard - but don't bankrupt yourself - it is about the thought, not about money!  I respond well to such treatment, and assuming I reciprocate your feelings, I will respond by having similar consideration for you.

8.  Be PHYSICAL - I love to be cuddled, stroked, kissed, have my feet massaged, etc. I am a very sensual, tactile person - quite cat-like - you can stroke me for hours!   If we are around my friends/partners, then exercise a little caution: do give me a hug (and a kiss, if I seem open to it) to say hello and goodbye, and do be tactile and physically demonstrative with me the rest of the time too, but, be discreet about it or I will feel uncomfortable - I don't like to feel like I am being needily clung to by someone, especially in public.  I love to be touched, massaged and caressed though and to have my hair brushed (gently).

Other ways to win my heart include:
- us being interested in similar things (and some different things too, so there is some contrast between us - I wouldn't fall for a photocopy of myself);
- loving nature and the outdoors, visiting castles, houses, and obscure lumps of rock in the middle of nowhere!;
- being willing to make allowances due to my physical limitations arising from my ME/CFS (I sometimes have to cancel dates if I am unexpectedly worn out; and also, it really helps the quality of our friendship/relationship if you have a car or, if not, are willing to do most of the travelling!);
- liking Doctor Who, and science-fiction generally - If you don't, then you probably won't be able to put up with me for long!
- liking physics, science, and all things nerdy - for the same reason!
- liking good food, wine, chocolate etc so we can share those things together
- liking cats - probably fairly essential as I have 3 of them
- being open to the idea of polyamory, as I currently have a fiance, a boyfriend, and 2 'friends with benefits'

These last few things are all lovely bonuses, though it is probably the 8 key things I listed first that are probably your best way into my heart... ;-)

I rather enjoyed writing that - made me reflect on who I am, what I want, and what my own priorities are.  Thanks to 
[info]smescrater  who gave me the idea.

Current Mood: happyhappy

5 comments - Leave a commentPrevious Entry Share Next Entry


Date:March 7th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC)
It's a good list for friendship too :)
Date:March 7th, 2011 07:17 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry I lost sight of one in particular but others too. I promise to be better at all of this list. I love your heart :-) xxxx
Date:March 7th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)
Now that is a heck of a sight more thoughtful than my equivalent list, which ran, "Tea, Stilton, Cheddar, Lancashire, Cheshire, Brie, Gorgonzola and chillies. But the things on mine are far easier to find :-)
Date:March 7th, 2011 09:16 pm (UTC)
I wanted to write my own but I realized I'd write down almost exactly the same eight things...
Date:March 9th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
Even with your CFS you have much more energy than most people I know, lol.