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Travellers - There's something about Mary...

May. 28th, 2011 11:15 am Travellers

Together we've travelled the universe,
you and I

I've seen the darkest places
and the brightest stars
with you as my guide.

I try to forget the darkness
and focus on the light.
We are optimists,
you and I
Hopeful travellers through fate.

I give my truth, to you and the future.
I strengthen my heart with belief and trust.
And I hope
that this time,
you will trust me enough to do the same.

I believe
that this time,
perhaps you will.

Together we travel the universe,
you and I
Hopeful travellers through time and space.

6 comments - Leave a commentPrevious Entry Share Next Entry

Comments:

From:doctorstewie
Date:May 28th, 2011 10:55 am (UTC)
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That's ...beautiful. Could be Rose and the Doctor, or any one who's ever loved anyone :-) It's incandescent. Just like you :-)
From:maryrcrumpton
Date:May 28th, 2011 11:34 am (UTC)
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Thanks.

:-)
From:maryrcrumpton
Date:May 28th, 2011 11:34 am (UTC)
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I'd love to be able to write proper, quality, poetry. But hopefully this attempt isn't too cringeworthy....
From:jl_legend
Date:May 28th, 2011 12:03 pm (UTC)
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Hey as poems go, and I've read a lot, that's as good as any of them.

It's very beautiful, unforced, invoking beautiful imagery, personal relationships and shared experiences, excellent use of metaphors. All excellent marks of quality in poetry, and none of marks of quality are really needed as long as it can be defined as poetry and is readable (even then, some of the greatest are incredibly hard to read).

I very, very much enjoyed it. And if I had one criticism, just one, it's how quick you are to assign it an underdog status. It's good, would have beaten the poem I wrote at the science festival last year. If they're running that event again, I think you should enter :)


From:doctorstewie
Date:May 28th, 2011 12:04 pm (UTC)
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Cringeworthy is entirely the wrong word to describe this. :-) It's structured, has a unity of theme and purpose ( without excluding individual interpretations or thematic diversity ) and is honest.

And it is beautiful, drawn from your heart (and though that isn't everything, poetry without it is nothing)

No, love. This is good.
From:hikishi
Date:May 28th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)

I Iike it!

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as a (really amatuer) poet myself, I have to applaud this!

It IS really good, very descriptive, slow moving, emotive.

Maybe one day I'll come up with a gem like that.

Nic (yes that nic from the party,I'm everywhere!) xox